The Struggle is Real

Lately, I’ve been seeing the ghost of traumas past & as much as I pray & meditate it’s still hard for me not to get triggered. Yes, I most definitely struggle, but, no I don't quit.

As you continue reading, keep this in mind. I am in no way trying to glorify or give energy to my deeply stained life. There is a lot of trauma and hurt there. Pains that I care not to relive but rather accept how my struggles made me stronger. I have chosen to embrace my spiritual growth & elevation. So much so, it is the mere reason I have created Transparency Hour. Transparency Hour is about sharing my adversities and inspiring you, the reader to triumph. Life isn't so much about what you've been through as much as it is about how you got through. Now back to the ghost of traumas past 🙄 I was selfless to a fault and naive in a sense to many things. Partially because I didn’t want to acknowledge the “bad side” of people. I would see signs & talk myself out of situations by always giving the benefit of the doubt. I was overly understanding. This comes from childhood. I was raised to write essays on my behavior. I’d have to write about how my mischief affected the individuals involved, how I could of avoided the situation & done better. Growing up this way coupled with being an overthinking Scorpio makes me suuuuuppppeeerrrr analytical! 😑 The struggle is real!😣 I notice everything, but like my mother, I just don’t speak on them. But trust me! You can’t pull wool over my eyes. As Contradictory as that sounds, I am always aware of the reality of things although I choose to look at individuals with a different lens. A lens of compassion, understanding and unconditional love. What’s haunting me today is exactly this. Wanting to give individuals the benefit of the doubt although they present characteristics & qualities of individuals who have taken advantage of me; my kindness, my loving nature, my nurturing spirit & listening ear, my time by deeming themselves and/or their tasks as more important than mine, my love, my mind & more. It’s extremely hard not to group individuals in the same category, but you know what they say “if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck” 🤷🏼‍♀️ ugh YOU’RE A MF’N DUCK!! 🥴 Setting boundaries is difficult at first, especially for those of us who wear their emotions & heart on their sleeves. It’s down right exhausting for me. Having to sift through the weeds to find a rose is pure torture! I hate it here! 😆 But yet, I don’t quit. I'm standing with my machete it hand ready to chop down the fakes & foes. I encourage you to do the same.

The breakup letter...

Dear Ghost of my traumas past,

You are no longer welcomed in my sacred place. I do not fear you any longer. I do not care how many times you held my head under water. I will always come up for air & rise above! So come foes disguised as friends, I see you, you ain’t low! And damn sure can’t get the best of me anymore. I am no longer giving undeserving individuals the benefit of the doubt. I don't care how my momma raised me!🤣 I have no desire to be a watered down version of myself because the truth is many of you weren't my friends. I was just yours. So please make no mistake; my crown is upright. My sense of self is elevated and where I am in life BS just can't exist.

To you, my loyal reader...

Stay humble & confident. Set your boundaries. Call things out as they ARE not as you would like them to be. The real ones will stay. And the pain from your traumas eventually fades away. Live in love. Stay true to you. Acknowledge your shortcomings and use them to move you to be better & greater. Never bitter! You are deserving of all the blessings God has in store for you.

- C.Stone